C
"Seek always for the answer within. Be not influenced by those around you, by their thoughts or their words." --Eileen Caddy
"If Christmas greeting cards go on sale in January, then why don't birthday greeting cards go on sale in June, the month after my birthday?" --Tom Caldwell
"A lame tongue gets nothing." --William Camden
"Faint heart never won fair lady." --William Camden
"Broken hearts die slowly." --Thomas Campbell
"You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked a clear question." --Albert Camus
"You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving." --Ami Carmichael
"I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." --Jasper Carrott
"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!" --Dr. Tom Cat
"It's great being a new mom. The only thing I worry about is that one day the FBI will break down my door and take the baby back to his real mother. But I guess it's normal for new moms to worry." --Anna Chin-Williams
"I was speeding down the freeway when a giant hand reached down from the sky, picked up my car and put me back to the beginning of the freeway. I hate it when that happens." --Anna Chin-Williams
"Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their best light." --Jennie Jerome Churchill
"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather just lie around. No contest." --Eric Clapton
"A woman watches her body uneasily, as though it were an unreliable ally in the battle for love." --Leonard Cohen
"Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship... never." --C.C. Colton
"Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." --William Congreve
"Music alone with sudden charms can bind
The wand'ring sense, and calm the troubled mind."
--William Congreve
"Music hath charms to soothe a savage beast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. I've read that things inanimate have moved, and, as with living souls, have been informed, by magic numbers and persuasive sound." --William Congreve
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen which said, 'Parking Fine'." --Tommy Cooper
"Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever..." --Quentin Crisp
"I used to lose my temper in arguments, until someone told me, 'Cooler heads prevail.' Thus began my collection in the basement freezer." --John H. Crocker
"Sex is a shortcut to everything." --Anna Cummings
D
"When I run marathons, my goal isn't to win or to place, or even to finish it under a certain time. It's to catch that cute guy with the nice butt in the little shorts running in front of me." --Ann Dantsuka
"A man does not look behind a door unless he has stood there himself." --Henri Debois
"A man doesn't dream about a woman because he thinks her mysterious; he decides that she is mysterious to justify his dreaming about her." --Henri De Montherlant
"A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are." --Chauncey M. Depew
"Love makes mute of those who habitually speak most fluently." --Madeleine De Scudery
"A wise man once told me, 'Violence is not the answer.' But if the question is, how do I get wise men to mind their own freaking business, then I think violence is the answer." --Matt Diamond
"I installed The Clapper on my TV. Now whenever they show that commercial, my TV turns itself off." --Matt Diamond
"Morning without you is dwindled dawn." --Emily Dickinson
"Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast." --Marlene Dietrich
"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." --"Fats" Domino
"Come live with me and be my love, and we will some new pleasures prove." --John Donne
E
"If there is a way to do it better... find it." --Thomas A. Edison
"If everyone knows that video killed the radio star don't you think its surprising that there's never been a conviction?" --Mike Elgin
"Jealousy, that dragon, which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive." --Havelock Ellis
"Love is man unfinished." --Paul Eluard
"A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk." --Lee Entrekin
"I remember the days of youth -- running through fields of clover, barefoot and carefree; playing in the rain, naked and innocent; riding with my head out the window of my parents' car, the wind blowing through my hair... no, wait... that was my dog, Cookie. I was the one who had to stay after school and finish my math homework. Yeah, I remember now..." --Lee Entrekin
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets." --Nora Ephron
"Kisses may not spread germs, but they certainly lower resistance." --Louise Erickson
"A sound marriage is not based on complete frankness; it is based on sensible reticence." --Morris L. Ernst
"Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. You're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number." --James Estes
"One always returns to one's first love" --Charles Etienne