U

"Don't go with girls you'd be ashamed to marry." --John Updike

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit." --Peter Ustinov

V

"When I hold a party I only invite accountants. That way, I know I'll be the funniest person there." --David Vincent

"Experimentation: Once, a philosopher; twice, a pervert." --Voltaire

"Jealousy, the great exaggerator." --Friedrich Von Schiller

"Everybody loves an accent. If you've been unlucky in love, consider pulling up stakes and moving to another country. Then you'll be the one with a neat foreign accent." --Marilyn vos Savant

W

"Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it." --Jack Wagner

"Music does not express passions, love or longings of this or that individual in this or that situation; it IS passion, love and longing." --Richard Wagner

"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do." --Joe Walsh

"Everybody winds up kissing the wrong person goodnight." --Andy Warhol

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"If I were a superhero, I'd use my real name. That would make it tougher for some evil nemesis to figure out my secret identity." --R.M. Weiner

"I want to buy a catapult and only launch cows from it. The animal rights people wouldn't like it very much, but I'm not too worried because I don't think they'd mess with a guy who's got a catapult." --R.M. Weiner

"Sometimes I'll think, 'Is life worth living?' and then I'll think, 'Is death worth dying?' and then I'll think, 'Is cheese worth cheesing?' and then I'll think, 'Whew! I've had enough to drink!' " --R.M. Weiner

"Sometimes I wonder why I just can't be happy, and then I realize it's because Joe's bogarting the bong." --R.M. Weiner

"Sometimes, when I write down a word it looks like it's spelled wrong, even though I know it's not. But then I�ll think, "Boy! That would sure make a funny name for a hurricane!" and I�ll laugh and laugh." --R.M. Weiner

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." --Joe Weinstein

"The wages of sin is alimony." --Carolyn Wells

"Go away... I'm alright." --H. G. Wells' last words

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." --Mae West

"Sometimes I feel like a naked crazy man in an empty desert, laughing at the blazing hot sun. Sometimes I don't." --Tom Wigington

"And now, I am dying beyond my means." --Oscar Wilde, sipping champagne on his deathbed

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." --Oscar Wilde

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." --Oscar Wilde

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." --Ben Williams

"Love's chemistry thrives best in equal heat." --John Wilmot

"Beauty isn't everything! But then what is?" --Sanford Wilson

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." --John Wooden

"If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?" --Steven Wright

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